Classmate: “Hey! May I take a look at your English homework? I forgot to do it lol.”
Me: “Yea, for sure! I’ll send you a pic right now.”
Classmate: “THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU’RE SO KIND.”

I’ve been nice to everyone my entire life, and people take notice and compliment me for my kindness. It feels amazing to be loving, caring, and accepting to everyone I meet. However, it also feels just as horrible to be “too nice”.

Being “too nice” served me well when I first moved to the U.S. It was my tool of making friends, riveting unbreakable relationships, and avoiding conflict. I would spend hours upon hours studying for a test just to let people copy off of me. I would sacrifice sleep to reach out to classmates who seemed depressed in an attempt to comfort and support them. I would also lend others money to buy lunch, knowing very well that it would not be repaid. In other words, I would give, give, and give. With what outcome? Friendship.

I became quite recognizable for my generosity, and I fancied my reputation. However, as I grew older, I started to notice that some, if not most, of my friends are not genuine. They are whiny and manipulative. They’ll only be my “friend” when they need something from me.

This realization was a turning point in my life, particularly in my personality and my perception of the world. I continued to give, but I got nothing in return, besides false friendship. Therefore, I am no longer naive or trusting. I began to doubt some people for their phoniness. To prevent betrayal from friends, I am not so eager to seek new friends nowadays. To the eyes of strangers, I am probably considered detached and introverted. But to my knowledge, this is a defense mechanism against malicious intents of strangers. Relieving the burden from manipulative friends allowed me to be nicer to my sincere friends. I am able to spend more time with them and create a stronger bond with them.I did not turn into a mean person, however, I just limited the range of individuals who I express my kindness to.

Friendships are supposed to be reciprocal. Friends stand by each other in times of heartbreak and stress. Friendship is a form of love that requires acceptance, compassion, and sacrifice. An unrequited friendship is not worth having. In fact, it is better to have no friends than having “friends” who consciously rejects one’s strong affection. Moreover, kindness does not undermine self-worth. One’s integrity outweighs all friendship. “Friends” who do not respect one’s boundaries and continue to dehumanize it across its limits are not real friends. Friends look at each other as equal and do not possess the temptation to overpower another. Simply put, kindness shouldn’t be demonstrated by overextending oneself. Do you have real friends?