For most people, gender identity is not a daily struggle, or even a thought that ever crosses their minds. Most of us will go our whole lives without ever being misgendered. It is likely that we will never have to choose between facing judgement or pretending we are something we are not, and it is even more likely we will never experience the feeling that we do not belong in our bodies. 

As history has shown, time and time again, just because we have not experienced something does not mean it is not real. Thus, no matter how foreign it may seem, gender is not as black and white as many people believe, and it is our responsibility to show we acknowledge this. 

Understandably, the terminology can be confusing, but this shouldn’t deter anyone from taking the time to become educated on the many facets of gender identity. As a start, the idea that people are one of two genders is known as the “gender binary.” To identify as non-binary means to identify with a gender that is not simply male or female. Non-binary people are not a new fad; people have been defying gender stereotypes for as long as humanity has existed, although our history books most likely do not identify them as being outside of the gender-binary. 

Asking for pronouns is necessary in order to not make assumptions about someone’s gender. Contrary to popular belief, the way people present themselves often does not portray the gender they identify with. Identifying as non-binary does not mean shaved heads and shapeless, neutral-toned clothing. “Looking like” a he, a she, or a they doesn’t actually exist. There is only one way you can know what pronoun someone prefers: asking them. If you don’t know what someone’s pronouns are, using “they” or “them” is always acceptable. 

After recognizing that gender is different from biological sex, the next thing to understand is how to ask for someone’s pronouns. No matter how awkward it may feel, the easiest way to contribute to the normalization of asking for pronouns is to offer your own. For anyone who is not cisgender (having a gender identity that corresponds with their biological sex), becoming comfortable in their own skin is a battle all in itself, not to mention having to deconstruct people’s understanding of gender. This is where our understanding and empathy comes in; if we offer our pronouns to every new person we meet, this shows people outside of the gender-binary that we respect their identity. It is important to understand that people aren’t entitled to tell you everything about how they identify. Our only job is to show them that we are accepting of who they are. 

In summary, the ability to publicly identify with a gender that you don’t biologically present as and be identified by the pronouns you feel most comfortable with is a relatively new phenomenon, although much of society is still coming to terms with it. Regardless of who is accepting of this development, normalizing asking for pronouns is just the first step to showing people that they are respected, no matter how they identify. 

Graphic courtesy of NPR.ORG