I’m going to go out on a limb, and suppose everyone has had a crush or heard of their friends having a crush or at least understands the definition of a crush. In fact, it is impossible to not understand what a crush is, considering the tons of films, books and commercials including one. Yet, no one ever talks about what it’s like to suddenly lose your crush, and face utter disappointment.

Recently, I reconnected with a guy I had a crush on. To protect his identity, I’ll just say I thought he was an amazing guy, and I really did like him romantically. For the first time in my life, I foresaw a future of us being in love and having a family and other crazy imaginings like that. It was sickeningly naive and childish, I admit. But, I really did believe in it!

But now, I don’t see him with the same lens anymore. Don’t get me wrong; that doesn’t mean he is a jerk; he’s still very sweet and cute. However, the mindset that made him look like a Disney prince and husband-material seems to have faded and left behind the disappointing, brutal, but reality.

It’s a weird feeling for someone to suddenly leave you disenchanted. If I could fully explain it, it’s like Toto pulling the curtain to reveal the Wizard is a fake; it’s like discovering Santa Claus isn’t real; it’s like realizing you’ll spend the rest of your life drowning in student debt. You are forced out of a fantasy you constructed meticulously in your head, and suddenly have to grow up. It’s intimidating. It’s a threshold everyone crosses, but no one really wants to talk about.

And I get it. Love is idealized in our society, and we often hope to quickly meet our one true love. But, I think early disappointment in your crush is healthy, really healthy in fact. It shows you’re a rational thinker, and you can process your feelings carefully before jumping into something serious. In reality, love takes time and hard work, and a crush is a fleeting feeling you can follow but doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Disappointment hurts, but it’s your soul advising you to not make a rash, consequential decision.

Personally, I’m really grateful for my epiphany. It reminded me to trust my instincts, even if I don’t like what they’re telling me. We need to be disappointed once in a while to fully learn the necessary morals in our lives and to make sure we don’t get disappointed as much in the future. So, even though I no longer have a crush, I sure do have a lesson I won’t forget.