‘Twas the night before Christmas in 2013, and I was determined to reach my goal. I had been working so hard to catch up to the most current episode of One Piece, a popular Japanese animated show. My main focus for the break was not to put up the Christmas tree or to finish writing the many holiday cards for my family and friends. It was to watch as much anime as possible.

My middle school years were defined by my obsessive love for anime. It started with my rediscovery of it: somewhere between fifth and sixth grade, my cousin was watching Mermaid Melody, an anime about a mermaid princess who sets out to find a boy whom she saved and fell in love with. This had been a show that my cousins and I used to watch together as little kids, and when I noticed my cousin rewatching it, the nostalgia stirred up within me, and I set out to relive my childhood days. Every day after school, I would take out my iPhone 3 and watch a couple episodes. When I finished that show, I started watching another magical-girl anime series, Cardcaptor Sakura, and then another one, Shugo Chara, and more and more.

I then branched out to anime romantic comedies. Many of which took place in the school setting, such as Special A, Ouran High School Host Club, and Kaichou Wa Maid Sama (To this day, I still adore these animes. If you haven’t watched any, you are missing out!) All the while, I was still keeping my anime-watching to moderate level. That level changed dramatically when I hit eighth grade.

I made a friend (Dana, if you’re reading, hello!) who inspired me to reach my maximum otaku level—otaku meaning “people with obsessive interests, commonly towards the anime and manga fandom”. By this time, I had reached another stage in my anime phase–the Shōnen stage. In this stage, I watched anime in the action genre that was mainly targeted towards teenage males. This stage also meant much, much, much longer animes, some of which included over 800 episodes. At the time, the anime hype had just entered school with the series Fairy Tail. As an OG anime-watcher, I felt the need to be in the lead of the anime hype by watching as much as possible. I started to set a goal for myself: watch 20 episodes by the end of the day. As I realized that that goal could be easily accomplished, I raised it to 30 episodes, and then 40, and finally 50. In perspective, 50 episodes meant about 900 minutes, since each episode was usually 18 minutes without the openings and endings. That is 15 hours each day! I’d watch nonstop in my classes, extracurriculars, when I got home, and some days, I’d skip a night’s worth of sleep just to meet my goal. I was practically living and breathing anime.

The weekends were no exception. My usual family outings became inhibited by my obsession with anime. It sounds silly and dumb now, but back then, I’d rather lock myself in my room watching anime episode after episode than go to fun places, like Disneyland, with the people I love most. By the end of eighth grade, I had surpassed my goals and had watched numerous series, including Naruto, Sword Art Online, and Soul Eater. I then moved on to have many more stages in my anime phase: a sports anime phase, a slice-of-life phase, and even a tragedy phase.

Throughout this time, the fact that most of my friends were also anime-lovers didn’t help me with managing my time watching anime. All our conversations were about the latest anime episodes; we would sometimes even reenact anime scenes. I vividly remember talking about which anime guy was the “hottest”. For me, Naruto had (and still has) a special place in my heart. Call me crazy, but I truly believed that I would someday marry him. Thinking back to those times, I smile. I detected the word “anime” even better than my own name, and whenever there were other otakus in the room, I would become instant friends with them. Anime helped connect me with people that I would have never talked to, and to this day, I am still close friends with some of those people.

As I realized that I wouldn’t be able to maintain my grades with this anime obsession, I resorted to manga–the book form of anime. That way, I could pace my own reading rather than have a set time frame. Most of the animes I watched were based on mangas, and as the unabridged form, manga granted me more knowledge as I learned more about characters and subplots. Unlike how I enjoyed Shōnen anime, my favorite genre for manga was Shōjo, which aims at a female demographic. In the wonderful, yet unrealistic realm of mangas, I could picture myself as the female protagonist.

Phasing out of anime and manga, I naturally moved on to Korean-dramas or K-dramas, since K-dramas were basically animes but in real-life. Many of the ones that I began with were actually based on animes. You’d think that by this point, I would have learned some self-control. Nope! Some nights, I would stay up until 3am watching K-dramas. Unlike anime, K-dramas had fewer episodes, which meant I was always on the hunt for new K-dramas. Like anime, K-dramas helped me connect with another crowd of people. In junior year, I, along with three other avid K-drama watchers, formed a sort of book club, but instead of reviewing books, we’d review the most recent K-drama episodes. Along with my interest in K-dramas came an interest in Korean pop music or Kpop. I was nuts over EXO, BTS, f(x), BIGBANG, and Got7 (specifically Jackson Wang!). I spent hours researching every single member of each group and watching all the interviews available online.

Now that I’ve phased out of these obsessions, I reminisce with a sense of nostalgia, but also with a touch of regret. Nostalgia for the seemingly-senseless conversations my friends and I had over our shared obsessions. Nostalgia for those days where my mind was always off in another world, without a worry about the real world. Regret for losing focus and spending all of my free time on pursuing these obsessions rather than making lasting memories with family. As the amount of time in my adolescence wanes, and as the fact that I am moving across the country for college settles, I feel the need to make every single second significant. If I had never had such extreme obsessions, I would’ve had more time to spend with the people that matter most.

The truth is, the time I spend with anime, manga, K-dramas, and Kpop were not meaningless. Being such a dedicated fan was an experience like no other. Anime and manga helped me build an appreciation towards animation and art. At one point, I seriously considered becoming an animator. All of my obsessions were also stress-relievers; they allowed me to escape reality. They helped me build self-control and time-management. Most of all, they led me to build some of the greatest friendships that I have today. Sure, I could’ve spent more time with family, but because of my experience with these obsessions, I’ve grown to treasure my family more.

There will inevitably be more matters that I’ll become obsessed with. Maybe I’ll become obsessed with my job, maybe it’ll be about a person, maybe I’ll even return to a past obsession.

Whatever it is, I welcome it, because when that times comes, I’ll know how to control my obsessions with ease and grace.