Dear Future Me,

It’s a bit odd writing to my future self, seeing as I’ve never really considered my future before. In fact, it’s almost like I’m trying to run away from it. The idea that some day I’ll make all the decisions about my life scares me. Sure, I want to be independent and responsible for my own actions, but what if I’m thrown into it all? What if everything my parents have been doing to prepare me just aren’t sufficient? What if I’m not ready? I’m not sure what the future will bring, and that uncertainty makes me extremely nervous.

I don’t have many ambitions either. I’ve always talked about how I want to attend Caltech and how I want to work with animals, but I have no real way of getting there. In fact, I don’t even know if that’s what I really want at all. Sometimes it can be hard to tell what I personally want from the false aspirations that society has planted in my brain. At this point, everything is just “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” There are no real plans in my head, and to me, this a major problem.

Everyone always tells me, “It’s okay, you’re still young, you’ve got lots of time to decide.” But time is running out: every second, every hour, every day, slowly ticking down to the day that I have to decide. It’s been years since the first person told me that “I was still young,” and let’s be honest here, I’m not so young anymore. And yet, I’m still stuck. Still stuck as to what I want to do with my life. Still stuck as to how I want things to go. Still stuck in this same rut that I started in: indecisiveness.

Knowing you (or well, me), by the time you read this, you still won’t have any ideas. I’d love to tell you that it’s okay, that you should take your time, but for all these years, I’ve been confusing “taking my time” with “procrastinating.” So, don’t take your time. Make the most of it. Prioritize. And don’t forget about that stupid little quote Dad’s always going on about: “Be courteous, but not shy.”

Sincerely,

Yourself

Dear Past Me,

“As I look back on my first year of high school, I realize just how much I’ve changed. I truly feel that I’ve found a previously hidden part of myself, and now there’s so much I want to learn.”

This is what I hoped to write today, but we both know it’s not true. Yeah, I’m disappointed in myself, too.

But the truth is, my plans, or lack thereof, haven’t really changed. I still don’t know what to do with my life. The look on my relatives’ faces when they ask me what I want to do in the future is enough to tell me that “I want to own a bunny, a dog, or some other pet” is not the answer they were looking for.

I completely understand your pain of not knowing what to write to any other version of yourself in other time periods. And it’s not just in the sense that I have no idea what it was like “back in your day”, but even now I’m struggling with what words I should use. Should I write me? You? Us? My mind is very, very confused, which doesn’t help the fact that I have absolutely no clue what to say to you. Is it weird to be scared about how your past or future selves are going to judge you? Because right now, I’m definitely feeling that way.

I will admit, I’m enjoying high school more than I’d probably expected. I’m still slightly intimidated by the sheer size of the campus and the volume of people, but it’s gotten a lot better. I still remember having to come to the high school for various interviews and feeling very out of place, as if the words “MIDDLE SCHOOLER” were written all over my face.

I’ve also got mixed feelings when it comes to my grades. They haven’t dropped that much, which definitely takes some pressure off my chest. At the same time, deep down, I’m disappointed in how much I care about my grades. You know better than I do how in middle school, the slightest drop in my grade could leave me on the verge of tears.

It’s funny, though. I still see myself as pretty much the same person as I was, but everyone else seems to see me as being smarter and more mature. Eighth graders pummel me with questions about what high school is like, despite the fact that I am the least qualified person to answer these questions.

In the end, I haven’t changed that much, but I’m eager to see what will happen in the future. I’m also kind of scared, but I am doing my best to push that fear aside.

I appreciate your advice on making the most of my time. I thought I was doing pretty well with that, but my parents think otherwise. And thanks, but there was no need to remind me about that quote that Dad is always saying. At this point, it is superglued in my head, although I sincerely wish it weren’t.

With love,

Your…Present? Future? I give up…Self