Below are excerpts from my journal, which can be described as capricious, sporadic, question-mark-littered, and food-stained. Now revisiting it, I completely agree with Steve Jobs that “you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” At Arcadia High School (AHS), I experienced my first stream of connected dots – formed by music. The linked dots didn’t result in an external prize, but gradually revealed to me the beauty of chaos.
November 13, 2022
“How did I end up at AHS? Is it worth it? My piano teacher assigned me a piece by Johannes Brahms. He seems like a cool composer.”
“One should never forget that by actually perfecting one piece one gains and learns more than by starting or half-finishing a dozen.” — Johannes Brahms
To perfect my performance for the music jury, I conducted a whole background check on Brahms, where I encountered this quote. I lived in Taiwan before coming to the U.S. for high school. Finding myself in a school seven times larger than my previous school, I was overwhelmed. The thought of returning to Taiwan lingered over my mind. But Brahms’ quote forced me to rethink, and I decided to see what would happen if I stuck with this one “piece,” attending AHS, a little longer.
February 19, 2023
“My summer internship just released their decisions. I can still feel the remnants of noradrenaline in my body. After all, I failed again. Time to endlessly spiral in my thoughts while blasting Life is Worth Living by Justin Bieber in my ears to hypnotize myself. ”
Life is Worth Living has always been my go-to comfort song. Unlike other songs, where the lyrics inspire me, it’s the title that leads me to redefine what’s “worth it.” Whenever the outcome didn’t match the effort I poured in, I started doubting every choice I made. But this song always brought me back. After listening to it countless times, I’ve reached a temporary conclusion: everything is worth it, even when struggle feels inseparable from the meaning.
December 24, 2024
“‘Hindsight is 20/20.’ Ok that doesn’t help. I still feel like I could’ve done much more the past four years… Anyways, my friend just texted me ‘i am sure that u’ll kill everything,’ and told me J J Lin released his new single Turn of a Page.”
“What we can’t erase, what we can’t unmake
We’ve got to embrace”
— Turn of a Page by J J Lin
This lyric embodies the most important philosophy I’ve adopted in high school. Though I’ve used this idea to comfort the people around me for a while, it’s only after the past four chaotic years that I truly internalized it. Feeling regret and disappointment is normal, and it’s crucial to leave space for them. However, after acknowledging them, leave them unfixed, as lines on the page you are turning.
Many other dots were created here and there throughout my high school life, whether it was an impulsive decision, an unexpected mentor, or another line of inspirational lyrics during a silent moment of mental breakdown. As scattered as these lessons may seem, eventually they will accumulate into important revelations, like how chaos is necessary in life. After all, you only see constellations when you’re far enough away from the stars — but that doesn’t undermine the value of each star. I am more than happy to continue stargazing, one star at a time.
