35064 Hours. 1461 Days. 209 Weeks. 48 Months. 4 Whole Years. 

This is how long I have been in high school. How long I have spent with my chromebook. How long I have spent with my textbooks. How long I have been preparing for APs. How long I have been looking forward to college.

But soon I will be wearing my cap and gown. I will receive my diploma and graduate. 

This is what I have wished for multiple times during my four years. To get out of school. To be independent. To finally be free from the 9 to 3 classes. 

But when the days toward graduation were declining, I began to hope that I never made the wish. I wish that time could freeze, and I could stay 18 forever. I wish I could still be a senior. Or a junior. Or a sophomore. Or even having online classes as a freshman. I would take any of these options. 

I wish to be with my friends. To be with my family. To have boba milk tea after school. To pet my cat whenever I am stressed. To miss one single homework and have my grade drop 7%. Or to score a five on my AP exam. To stay up till 2 a.m. and study for my tests. Or taking a nap after a long day of school. Whether the good or the bad, they are all important memories of life. 

I also have so So, SO many things that I have not yet done. I have not skipped school with my friends to go get ice cream. I have not mastered any video games. I have not had a high school significant other. I have not got into any drama. I have not stayed up all night with my friends. I have not stayed late in school to look at the stars. 

College seems fun. I might miss it one day too, but not today. Today, I miss high school. And I know this feeling will last forever. Till dawn and the birds stop singing, till the candles burn out and the snow begins to fall, till the cat bed becomes never stained with fur, till I am lying on a white-sheeted bed in a hospital, I will always miss my days in high school. 

But I can’t let myself be held down by the fears and negative parts of life. I need to turn on the lights in the dark, listen to the wolves howling when the birds stop, light another candle or put on some winter clothes, replace the unused items with something else, and look out the window even if you are too old and can only lay in bed. The past does not hold us back. It pushes us forward so the memories do not become a burden on our shoulders. 

New York University’s torch does not look so terrible after all.