Since working towards college, and applying to college is so difficult, why even bother? It’s expensive, it’s time consuming, and all you get is a piece of paper for all your hard work. Fortunately, no one will ever have to worry about that waste of time again! With an appalling announcement, every college and university has decided to shut down forever. 

Since the announcement, students are moving out of their UC dorms, and moving into their parents’ basements. The esteemed Ivy League colleges that students once killed to attend (sometimes literally), will now be abandoned and forgotten. They’ll be respected for their architecture and nothing more. 

But why, after so many years, completely demolish these institutions? Walter White, a teacher at J.P. Wynne High School, shed some light on this. 

“It’s just useless.” White explained. “There is no way for people to make money going to college. I’ve made a lot of money with no help from my college degree.”

It’s true. Employers no longer look for a college degree in candidates, so you would literally lose money by going to college. Instead of requiring a college education, the “interview” process now consists of everything from Buzzfeed personality tests to Call Of Duty tournaments. 

Both students and teachers are very happy about this development and are taking advantage of this situation. Everyone is going out in celebration, and GPAs, and attendance numbers are dropping like never before. The tension in high schools has gone away, and so many more students are smiling. 

The only ones who seem to be disgruntled about the closing of colleges are parents. They spent so much time working hard to pay for their kids to get into college, and now all their hard work amounts to nothing. Parents are also worried about having to live with their children throughout their retirement. Clearly, those tears from dropping their kids off at college were tears of joy and relief. 

Only time will tell what the future holds for college and education. For now, a big weight has been lifted off of students shoulders. 

April Fools’! None of this is true, good luck in college 🙂

Photo courtesy of PIXABAY.COM