The notion of marriage seems like a dream come true for many little girls and boys. The highly fantasized idea of the wedding dress and suit that the couple would wear, the vows to be exchanged, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the reception, the first dance as husband and wife, and the peaceful honeymoon that follows. However, the wedding ceremony is not as dreamy as one might imagine. Much of the wedding is riddled with inherently sexist traditions that have no place in modern day society. 

Everybody is aware of the classic white wedding dress that is an iconic symbol of marriage. However, this white wedding dress has a history of representing purity, innocence, and virginity. This white color is considered a standard for brides, even if it was not chosen with its historical significance in mind. 

According to Time, white is an “emblem of the purity and innocence of girlhood, and the unsullied heart she now yields to the chosen one.” 

This equates purity and innocence to the bride’s value as a woman, demonstrating how the implication of a white dress can degrade or shame a bride if she does not meet society’s idea of purity; society’s idea of purity is that a woman should abstain from all sexual matters until marriage. Regardless, why should her purity matter, especially when the groom is not expected to walk down the aisle wearing white as well? 

Not only is the white wedding dress derived from patriarchal culture, but the veil is as well. The veil is traditionally supposed to be worn by the bride until the groom or her father removed it. Traditionally, the veil is also meant to represent the groom’s right to consummate the marriage, and not hers. Additionally, the lifting of the veil defaces the bride, while the groom is unscathed by this tradition. 

More obviously, the “giving away” of the bride oozes sexism. This tradition began when brides were their father’s property, and were given away with a dowry. Basically, this is the transition from a bride being their father’s property to being their husband’s property. The passing of the bride from the father to the groom undermines the bride’s independence, and the need for a father’s approval diminishes the bride’s voice.

This sexist practice can simply be altered by allowing the bride to walk down the aisle with whomever she likes, and by having the bride walk to the groom herself- a demonstration of her free choice. Otherwise, the marriage becomes increasingly like a transaction with the passing of the bride. 

This iconic phrase,“you may now kiss the bride,” is said as if the bride does not have her own say or authority over the marriage. Rather than giving permission to both the bride and groom, it only gives a “go-ahead” to the groom. Why not say “you may now kiss each other” instead of only giving authority to the groom? 

Another most common and notable change after marriage is the alteration of the bride’s last name. It has become normalized for the bride to change her last name to her husband’s last name. In this manner, her family name and identity get stripped away as she enters this marriage, while the groom gets to keep his identity. The adoption of a new last name highlights how the bride never had her “own” last name. After all, she formerly used her father’s last name and simply transitioned into taking her husband’s last name. Meaning, she is always seen as someone else’s and not her own. 

Marriage should be a union between two equal halves coming together to forge a whole. Unfortunately, some marriage traditions have sexism embedded into its nature. With the progression of society, there could be emerging means to combat the sexist system that found roots in marriage traditions.

Photo courtesy of WEDDINGBELLS.CA