The summer before freshman year, I had big expectations of what high school would be like. I imagined myself breezing through classes, going to parties, falling in love with my lab partner, and watching football games every week with my friends. Because that was exactly how it was always portrayed in the books and movies I’ve seen.

I don’t think my expectations could’ve been any further from what my actual high school experience turned out to be like.

I’m sure this is a common occurrence at Arcadia, but in the beginning, I lost myself in a spiral of my mom’s complaints about how her friend’s sons and daughters were always doing so much better than I was. I’d find myself lying wide awake in bed each night, wondering where I went wrong and trying to figure out what I’d have to do to finally make her proud. So instead of doing all the things that I’d dreamed of, I ended up spending countless hours trying to study and keep my grades up. I didn’t go to a single high school party with my friends, and more often than not, the hangouts that I did have were homework sessions at boba shops.

Perhaps it was things like this that made me waste so much time during my first few years counting down the days until I’d finally be free from it all. Because of that, I wasn’t truly able to just live and cherish all the little moments.

I’m still not sure what changed my mindset. But now I find myself counting down the days I have left with all the people and things that I’ve grown to love. My best friend who sheds both tears of sorrow and joy with me. My “Operation” lunch group who manages to make me laugh even on the worst days. The boy who continues teaching me how to break free from my shell. Even the traffic light on the cross section between Campus and Holly that I always blamed for making me late to school even though it was definitely my own fault.

I guess Winnie the Pooh was right after all. Although my 4 year journey at Arcadia did not follow the route that I thought it would have gone, I don’t think I would change anything about it. Because I genuinely feel lucky to have so many things in my life right now that will make saying goodbye hard in a couple months (if you know what quote I’m referring to, you’re a real one).

It feels quite surreal knowing that I’ll be ending this chapter of my life as an Apache in a couple days, especially since I spent the last few months of my high school career at home and also missed out on a whole season of milestones that seniors typically get — prom, senior week, graduation. Nevertheless, I’m eternally grateful for all the experiences that I have been able to go through, the friendships I’ve forged, and the lessons I’ve learned.

With that being said, I think I’m ready to pick up my pen and start writing the next chapter.